1st of August 2008. Coming to my senses.

Inbetween School terms i had 2 weeks off, which i spent in Auckland. Most of my time consisted of being at Ryan's house. We didn't leave the house or planned anything. But it didnt matter cause we were together. Those were the happiest two weeks of my year. On my last day in Auckland it truly topped it off. My sister gave birth to her 2nd child so it really made the whole experience special.

On the day of the 1st of August it really made things clear. I had gone to school like any other friday. A couple of my friends decided they would leave school after interval and so i joined them because friday was the worst day in my timetable. We left for Matt's House, which was on the beachfront at Tapz (a local beach). As soon as we arrived, i had already relaxed. We put on some good summer music and just chilaxed on his porch, just looking at the glistening water, waiting for someone to make a move. Song of the moment - Wish You Were Here, Incubus.

We half of us walked to the beach and the other half kayaked from the estuary. We got to the beach to see a rippling green blanket infront of us, which was so unbelievably clear and calm and so so so warm. I layed down on the sand and instead of your usual happy thoughts, i had a wave of emotion come over me. I wanted Ryan to be here. I wanted to share this perfect day with him. Unfortunately i knew that would never happen. So what was i supposed to do, carry on as i would after having realised that i wouldnt be able to share the great moments in life like these with him. So later that day i broke the news to him, he didnt take it to well. He sat on his bedroom floor and i cried. I never knew i was such a catch. I felt so guilty, inflicting so much pain and feeling none. I guess im getting what i deserve from him. He hasnt spoken a word to me since.

I grew so much in the time we spent as a couple and i really owe that to him. Thank you Ryan, you are unforgettable and everything about you is ingrained in my memory.

Song-Girl =]x